Once You See It

Why I can’t keep pretending my strategy was serving me

There was a version of this I used to believe in:
If I worked hard enough, helped the right people, landed the big win for someone else… then I could finally rest. Someone would notice and say, “Here. Let me lift that for you.”

It wasn’t naïve. It was survival logic dressed as strategy.

I thought I had made peace with this. But then I wrote about mint. And about tomatoes. Started a series called “No One Cares”.

I started noticing how toxic this strategy has been and how it hasn’t served me.

I have been trying to outsource the one thing that can’t be outsourced.

My own energy.
My own vision.
My own priorities.

I thought if I showed up with clarity and strategy for everyone else, someone would eventually turn around and give me the same.

Since I started writing, I’ve stumbled into gardening, pickleball, and a stack of half-baked drafts. And somewhere in there, I found today’s realization:

I’ve been waiting for a turn that isn’t coming. Not because people don’t care, but because it was never their job to give it to me.

I can’t outsource my own energy. And I don’t know yet what fully taking it back will look like. But I do know this: the waiting is over.

Now I see it for what it is. And once you see it, you can’t keep pretending you don’t.

Reflection in the garden has been shaping more than plants this season.